You Can Bring Light Into the Darkness

This weekend, I photographed the St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic Church Ministry of Hope Longest Night Prayer Service. 

I’ve written before about the darkness so many of us experience during this time of year. Whether it is loneliness, isolation, illness, grief, despair, or mental illness, we are all touched by darkness – either our own or that of a loved one – at some point in our lives. 

It feels as though everyone around us is joy-filled and full of Christmas cheer.

But this year, I think about friends who are experiencing deep and profound grief – who are grieving spouses, grieving children, grieving parents, siblings, friends, or the life they had planned. I think about friends in the throes of addiction or struggling with fragile family relationships.

I have friends who are ill, friends who are struggling with challenging diagnoses, and friends who need someone to lift them up, but who fail to ask for it. They fail to share their pain with others … and keep it locked inside. 

This longest night prayer service used candles to symbolically light that very darkness.

Candles are beautiful. 

There is something about the light that glows so softly that brings me comfort and peace.

John 1:5 says,  "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

There will be darkness – and it is OK to grieve, to feel lonely, and to experience suffering, but we are not meant to be there alone.  God designed us for the Light – and He is greater than all the darkness. 

He designed us for relationship with Him. He craves a relationship with us – which is why he came to us as a baby – to live with us in his humanity and to experience the same suffering and pain that we experience – so that we would know that he fully understands our pain.

We also are meant for earthly relationship. 

So, when we are overwhelmed with darkness, seek the Light. Do not be afraid to call out to Jesus, and do not be afraid to call out to a friend or a stranger. You are not alone. Let someone walk this journey with you. Jesus did. 

Let that sink in. Jesus, the perfect son of God, accepted help carrying his cross. Together, he and Simon of Cyrene bore the burden and made it more tolerable.

We can help others bear their burdens, too. Seek out your charism. What is it that you do well that shines God’s Light for others?

Are you a person who loves to cook? Do you have the gift of easy conversation? Are you comfortable sitting in the quiet with someone in their despair? Do you remember to pray often for those who have asked for it? Do you smile sincerely when talking with others? Do you jump right in when someone needs physical assistance? Do you know how to fix mechanical problems? Are you able to put your arms around a stranger and sit with them?

Dig deep into your soul and find your charism. Then ask God to give you the courage to use it this season to bring His Light to the darkness.

A Trip to Milwaukee, a Visit to a Basilica, and a Chance Encounter ....

Blessed Is She candle, Rosary Bird Rosary, and Marge Fenelon's book... a perfect October mix.

 Last month I visited the magnificent Basilica of St. Josephat in Milwaukee with my husband.

We had never been there – nor had we even heard of it. But a friend of mine owns Stella Maris Tours, LLC, and I was helping to promote a pilgrimage, so I went up to grab some photos and to share with our parishioners some of its beauty.

As my husband and I drove into the heart of Milwaukee and entered the Lincoln Village neighborhood,  we found ourselves in front of a massive church with a large, gilded dome.

We walked through the doors and experienced one of the most beautiful churches – detailed plasterwork, stunning chandeliers, beautiful stained glass, and an intricate and reverent sanctuary. It was truly spectacular. The dome, itself was incredible to see in person.

We spent a lot of time looking around and taking in everything, but we eventually made our way down to the gift shop where I met a gentleman who was working there. We chatted, and he eventually told me about his wife who was an author.

I was genuinely interested in this woman’s work after speaking with her husband. I asked him if the gift shop sold her book. He said they did not, but he told me that I could find it on the usual shopping sites or her website.

He did have a copy of one of her books –  Our Lady, Undoer of Knots: A Living Novena in his bag, and I flipped through it. It looked so good to me that I decided to order it as soon as we got to the car.

 I couldn't wait to have the book in my hands!

As soon as the book arrived, I dove right in.

I love the imagery that surrounds Our Lady, Undoer of Knots. 

Our lives are so full of tangles – and our knots can be so gnarled and gangly. There are so many times we get ourselves into situations we feel almost incapable of getting out of … and Our Lady reminds us that we are never beyond God’s grasp. He uses us in our brokenness. He uses us in our imperfection. He raises us up from our knotty life. By His grace, our knots are loosened. By His grace, they are undone. Through Mary’s love, we have the courage to lay them at our Lord’s feet. Through Mary's love, we have the courage to ask our Lord for forgiveness.

Walking this Rosary novena with Fenelon was so beautifully unique. Her description of locations I'll probably never have the opportunity to see guided me through the Holy Land. I could easily envision the places she described. Though I have never been there, I could place myself in the spaces. Through her vivid imagery, I could see in my mind the places Jesus walked, lived, prayed, and created friendships. 

Each chapter focuses on a specific “knot” in our lives – and ties it to a specific location and event in Jesus' life. Attached to each day of this rosary novena is a special intention for peace in the Holy Land.

Unbeknownst to me, I finished this Rosary Novena to Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, on the eve of the anniversary of the attacks on Israel. After praying for eight days for peace in the Holy Land, I saw God hand in my chance meeting.

His wisdom is perfect. I’ve always been keenly aware of the people I meet every day. They leave marks on my heart. I remember them long after we’ve said goodbye. I pray for them when they pop into my mind. 

I had Hebrew 13:2, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” laid on my heart in a powerful way as a teen (thank you, Michael W. Smith). Angels or humans, I became hyper aware of the people God put in my path. I knew there were no coincidences ... just perfect plans.

I met Marge’s husband for a reason that day. I began this novena on the perfect day. I walked this Rosary journey with Marge's words at the exact time God desired it for me.

 I am so incredibly blessed to have added Marge to my list of favorite authors. 

If you are in Milwaukee, I highly suggest visiting the Basilica of St. Josephat. You won’t regret it. And, if you ever feel the Holy Spirit begging you to start up a conversation with a stranger … do it. You never know what God has in mind for you! 

Today Was An Ember Day

Today was an “Ember Day.”

The Harvest is Ready.

Pre-Vatican II, four “Ember Days” were set aside for fasting and abstinence so that we could fill our day with thoughts of thanksgiving. The Fall Ember Day focused on thanksgiving for the grape harvest – from which comes the Precious Blood.

Living in an agriculture community – and because I often write about agriculture events, families, and news – the harvest is heavy on my heart each time this fall Ember Day comes around. 

Our farmers work hard all year round. 

It is easy to think about our agriculture families during spring planting and fall harvest, but the truth is, they give their lives to serve others. They plan in the winter for the upcoming year, they plant in the spring with hopes of a strong growing season, they are vigilant throughout the summer monitoring each field, and they pray for a good yield in the fall. 

I’ve watched farming families experience the fear of a drought, the joy of a choice growing season, and all the emotions in between. I’ve learned to understand the stress that farming families undergo – particularly those family farms. 

It is family farms that I most often see taking Sundays off to allow their family and other hired hands to go to church. It is those family farms where I see children learning how to be a part of the family business and to appreciate discipline, early mornings, and togetherness. It is those family farms which impress upon me the Midwest values of hard work, devotion to family, and faith in God.

I grew up in suburbia – and agriculture was far from my daily thoughts, much less my prayers. But when I began writing for our local paper – The Woodstock Independent – I these farming families became a part of my circle. 

When the planting season comes, I take photographs of the seeding – and I get excited when I see the sprouts popping through the dirt. Throughout the summer, I watch the growth of the crops, and I get nervous when hailstorms come or when we get flooding or when we have drought. And, when the harvest comes, I pray for good yields and for peace for their families during the most difficult time of the year for them. 

*Last night, I saw them harvest with lights on their combines under the Harvest Moon.

So, as we fasted and abstained from meat today, my husband and I thought about the great blessing we have in our farmers – and in our entire agriculture community. I am thankful for the abundant blessings God bestows on them in their crops and I’m thankful for the families who never give up – the families who know how hard this life is, but who love the land and love the feel of it in their hands.

You’ll never meet better neighbors than farmers – at least in my community. They will drop whatever they are doing to help a person in need. They know there is something greater than them. They nurture the soil, and they have faith that, come harvest, God will bless them abundantly. 

Without them, we would not have food on our tables.

On this Ember Day, I filled my own hunger with prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude. 

**Ember Days are no longer part of our liturgical calendars, but I think they are worthwhile to contemplate in our family. We can all use more gratefulness in our lives!

Farmers working on one of the first days of harvest.

Last night's Harvest Moon with a Partial Lunar Eclipse.

Being Catholic and Celebrating Flag Day

Flag Day

Today we honor what our flag signifies through the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution. We remember the inalienable rights granted to each American citizen that are so aligned with the value of every human being – dignified because they were created in the image and likeness of God.

Patriotism and Catholicism can work together for the glory of God. 

In 2013, Servant of God Father Emil Kapaun was awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions at the Battle of Unsan, North Korea as a chaplain with the 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division.

His desire to serve our nation was deep.

After being assigned duty as an auxiliary chaplain at a local Army airbase in Kansas, he felt called to serve his country and asked his bishop to allow him to enlist in the U.S. Army.

He became a chaplain in the U.S. Army on July 12, 1944, serving God and his country. He heroically and fiercely said Mass on the battlefield and risked his life to administer the sacraments to those dying. He put his own life in danger staying with the wounded in the Battle of Unsan.  While a prisoner of war in Prison Camp No. 5, he served both physical and spiritual needs of the other men in the camp. He tended to the sick, picked lice off men, washed clothes, bathed those who could not bathe themselves, said Mass, inspired the imprisoned, and prayed over their burials.

Servant of God Fr. Vincent Capodanno served as a Navy chaplain with the U.S. Marine Corps during the Vietnam War. He also was awarded the Medal of Honor for his heroic actions beyond the call of duty as he ignored his own wounds, refused medical attention, and sought to help a wounded Navy corpsman and two wounded Marines despite enemy fire.  It was there he was killed.

Whenever I visit a traveling Vietnam Wall, I take a rubbing of his name … wondering if someday, in my lifetime, he – and Fr. Kapaun – may be canonized.

Catholic Chaplains have been serving our country for years beginning in 1846 with Fathers John McElroy and Anthony Rey who both served in the U.S. Army.

There is something inherently Catholic about preserving and defending freedom – the freedom to live in truth.

The fabric of our country is woven into the history of the American flag and that fabric of our country was woven by God.

So, on this Flag Day, fly your flags high, and know that no one is above our Lord, but we can show our patriotism by standing for freedom: Freedom to attend Mass, Freedom to worship our Lord, Freedom to value every individual as a child of God.

Happy and blessed Flag Day!

Reflecting on loss ... Joe Kersten

Just before Christmas, I learned that a friend had passed away. 

It has been hard to think about what to say as there have been a number of difficult things in the last month -- a dear friend’s son had brain surgery, my young neighbor/friend had a total hip replacement, another friend is about to have surgery, and another has been very ill. So, this unexpected loss was hard for me to process – and I know it has been for so many others.

I met Joe many years ago while I was working on a story about Gold Star Plaques created by McHenry County VietNow for families of those who were killed during the Vietnam War. He and I took photos of the plaques and I worked with another Vietnam veteran (who eventually became one of our family’s best friends) to search the world for homes for these decades-old plaques. 

Many veterans – particularly Vietnam Veterans – don’t appreciate a reporter stepping into their space, but Joe welcomed me. Maybe it was because the other man vouched for me or because he knew the types of articles I had written, but, either way, Joe became a steadfast partner in crime in all things veteran-related.

He would let me know what was going on in the veteran community. He shared information regarding the American Legion, the VFW, and the Veterans Assistance Commission. He gave me leads and made certain that I knew who was who in local government.

More importantly, he was a friendly face in a crowd.

In the midst of Memorial Day events, Veterans Day events, and the McHenry County Fair, he was the first to come up to me with, “Trish! It’s good to see you.. hey, nice article on …,” and he would flash a big smile and give me a hug. Very few people call me Trish … Joe was one of them.

His wife, Di, was always by his side. The two of them always – and I mean always – smiled for my camera. They joked with me, but they’d smile … and it made me smile, too – because, no matter what, I knew they would play along with whatever shenanigans were going on. 

This is Joe realizing I've been
 photographing him!

This year, on Veterans Day, I snapped a lot of photos. For some reason, Joe was doing camera-worthy things, and Di was by his side. I took a lot of photos of him and Di. I even used an image of him as my FB cover photo for this page -- and I never changed it.

A month later, I was devastated when a friend texted me to say he had passed away. 

The Chairman of the Veterans Assistance Commission, Joe served in the U.S. Army during Vietnam, and spent much of his time serving the veteran community. He served as adjutant for VFW Post 5040, secretary and president of VietNow McHenry County Chapter, adjutant and vice-commander of American Legion Post 412, and founding and returning chairman of the McHenry County Veterans Assistance Commission. He truly lived a life of service to his country, his family, and his military brothers and sisters. 

Joe, I will miss your smile. I will miss the way you genuinely cared for others. I will miss the way you so passionately fought for veterans. I will miss the way you and Di welcomed me with open arms. I will miss the warmth of your personality and the way you cared for others. And, I will miss the texts that told me that you appreciated an article I wrote or told me that I did a great job covering something or that you texted just because. 

I sought your wealth of local military and community history for many an article. As my go-to, this feels like such an abrupt loss. The stories you shared with me will never be replicated. And, knowing how much I will miss you, my heart aches for Di and your family and closest friends as they navigate this journey without you, but take with them the love, the kindness, and the passion with which you set out to live this life. Your mark will never be erased – it will live on in the many lives you’ve touched.

I will miss you Joe, and so will this beautiful community that we live in. Thank you for taking me under your wing, for trusting me, and for always having my six ;)

… until we meet again ….

Gaudete Sunday ... making peace with feeling joy in the trenches of life

Today is Gaudete Sunday – the third Sunday of Advent … the start of the week of joy.

As we lit the third candle in our Advent wreath, I felt a flood of overwhelming emotions.

At Mass today, I cried. It was as though all the difficult moments of my Advent – and, kind of, this entire year – came into focus as that third candle was lit… and, in that moment, I felt, well, not joy.

Usually, as we approach Christmas with the anticipation of the birth of Jesus, I am full of joy, but I have friends who are dealing with things. There is grief. There is illness. There is loneliness. There is fear. There is overwhelm. There is anxiety and stress and pain and unsettledness. There is darkness. 

But then there is the lighting of the candles.

Sometimes, light feels so contradictory.

I see the Christmas lights all over. When the square was lit in front of hundreds of people, the excitement was palpable, but I felt a little loneliness. When I drove long routes at night, I saw gorgeous light displays, but I wasn’t feeling Christmasy. When we put up the tree, I felt unappreciative. Light usually draws me in and calms me, but the candle today felt harder. The flickering flame felt … unreliable. It felt somber. Yet, I was supposed to reflect on joy.

I’m usually the person who can walk the journey with someone to find the joy, but my heart had been burdened this month … perhaps all year. We have five friends anticipating major surgery in the next few weeks. A friend just passed away. There has been angst and stress and too much loss in my circle this year. And today, on the day we celebrate joy, my heart was too heavy. When our priest began his homily about challenges, and tears, and dryness in our spiritual life – and how God uses them to bring us closer to Him … I couldn’t stop the spilling of tears … I couldn’t prevent the overwhelm …  You see, I knew … those words were being directed at me. And, there is joy in knowing that God’s plan is bigger than mine – and joy and all of those other hard emotions actually can live together side-by-side. We can all feel pain and sorrow and compassion for ourselves and for others, while at the same time being joyous this season. They are not mutually exclusive. 

There is one more candle to light – and that is for love. Love of God. Love within families. Love between spouses. Love of children. Love of parents. And love between friends. I’ve been known to exchange, “I love yous” with some friends. They are usually the friends who are there when no one else wants to be. They are the ones who reach out if they haven’t heard from me in a while. They are the ones who, even after some dryness in our friendship, will pick up exactly where we were without batting an eyelash. They are my people. And I am theirs. And we have chosen to love like family. How amazing does it feel when someone chooses you – not for what you wear, or what your job is, or who you know, or what you can do, but for who you are? 

So it is with God. There will always be periods of dryness in our faith life – it can be a little sand we need to sweep away or a boulder that presses heavy against our hearts. We can harbor resentment and choose to believe that God has abandoned us, or we can continue to press on … as He relentlessly pursues us. And we can find joy in knowing that we are His people.

When joy is pure, it can coexist with grief, sorrow, pain, anxiety, fear, challenge, and so many more. Joy leads us to that fourth candle... love.

So, I choose to hold fast to the love. Because, in the end, despite loss, despite grief, despite hurt or pain or anxiety, it is love that binds us together. 

And now, these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love ~ 1 Corinthians 13:13

A moment frozen in time....

September 11th harbors a storehouse of varied emotions.

One thing that strikes me, however, is how vivid that day is in my mind and how it feels like a collective memory despite the fact that an entire generation knows of the tragedy only through pictures or internet posts or books.

For those of us who have first-hand memories -- even if, like me, you were far away from the events -- there was real fear about what would happen next. There were skies with no planes. There were radios and televisions being turned on and phone calls being made. 

We lived history.

There is insurmountable sadness and agonizing loss juxtaposed with incredible courage and unthinkable selflessness flowing from the video footage that already looks dated, news broadcasts that illuminate the lack of instant communication at the time, social media clips with grainy photos, and audio recordings somehow salvaged from the day.

Yet, even though I feel part of that collective conscious that seems like yesterday, I recognize that my emotions have changed over time.

A couple of years ago, I met a Pentagon survivor whose foundation -- American Pride, Inc. -- published 9/11 Survivors' Stories; Midwest Memories.

I have written about this book before, but one thing that weighs heavy on my mind is the constant wrestling of emotion that is palpable throughout the body of work.  Eight individuals with ties to the Midwest share very different and uniquely compelling stories about their survival.  From being in the Tower to being in the Pentagon, to being on the phone, I was taken on a journey fueled by anger, gratitude, fear, and hope.

I saw so much more through their eyes. 

It moved me differently.

Reading personal accounts of those whose lives were forever altered, who lost friends, who felt anger toward the media, and who needed to use the experiences to help others has changed me.

It has been 22 years since that day, but I remember it clearly. The events of that day are etched in my mind -- frozen in time. I have been molded by the emotions of that day, yet life and experience has molded those emotions, too. 

I know how I felt that day when my students were scared and we were getting piecemeal information in a pre-internet-accessible classroom. But because of books, because of newspaper articles, because of interviews, because of survivors who courageously tell their stories, and because of victims' families who keep their loved ones' memories alive,  I have a deeper awareness of the still-gaping wounds, unspeakable grief, unparallelled courage, deep gratitude, insurmountable hope, and incredible forgiveness.  

************

It seemed fitting, then, that when we were driving home last night on the eve of 9/11, we happened to stop at a place we'd seen time and time again along the road. For four years, I'd meant to stop, but, last night, we did. I was moved by the newly lit candles carefully placed around the first responder memorial plaques I didn't know were there. As I thought about the gentle light burning so intensely in the cool breeze, I prayed. I prayed for those who rush in when others rush out. I prayed for those who selflessly walk into danger to bring others to safety. I prayed for those who care for others putting their own lives in peril.  I prayed for those who quietly harbor the difficult memories -- who walk among us never speaking of their experiences, but, knowing how fragile live is, protect it with the very same intensity with which these flames burn. And I prayed for those who bring light into the dark places with their words, their actions, and their presence.

************

When we are overcome with despair or grief or anger, I pray that we are able to find a way to let light in -- no matter how small those cracks may be. Because light, once it gently breaks through, has a way of spilling into the darkest of spaces -- just like the light of these candles.

************

Today, I will

Never forget those who protect life.

Seek hope.

Love endlessly.

Be a light in the darkness.

Allow light to seep into the desperation.